Photo: Valeriia Sviridova / Getty Images / EyeEm
Did you feel it after this year? A sudden hole under your chin that makes you think, Well, if my shirt rises a little higher? An annoying little buzz in your ear telling you to buy seven shades of the same cold weather outfit? Turtleneck season once again hit a fever pitch, and it was time to get something off my chest. Turtleneck is not great.
Saying you don’t like wearing a turtleneck is a lot like saying you don’t like soup (which I might tell you now, I also despise it). People worship at their comfortable altars as if they were to save us from all the troubles of winter. Many people (including this main post) would make you think that wearing a turtleneck is like breathing. They urge you to fill your homes with long-necked T-shirts. Every winter they say, “Hallelujah! We can finally wrap our necks in fleece and HeatTech.” Well, I apologize to my colleagues, but that’s enough.
Here’s the thing: the turtleneck is oppressive. They’re like a hot, stifling bra for your neck. Personally, I own a handful of turtleneck sweaters, which I wear on a semi-consistent basis. But I can’t begin to express the sigh that escapes me as I take off these shirts at the end of the day and release my neck from his textile prison. Your neck deserves to be adorned with jewelry, not smothered in knitted cashmere, as luxurious as it may sound. Let it be free.
Butyou might say, My neck is cold. Have you tried scarves? Delightful scarves. Sometimes they have a little fun. It is easy to knit. It can be a cable-knit cashmere too, if you like. Most importantly, a scarf is something that you can take off when you enter a warm place and no longer need to wrap your neck in cloth. I bet you’re tightening your neck right now, I hope you take it off so it’s cooler again. If the turtleneck is a scarf, you can!
Aside from having a cute name, I think the allure of the turtleneck is really due to its cultural significance, which is rapidly declining. Sure, it used to be that you could use these things to indicate that you possess a desirable personality trait, such as elegance or creativity. not longer. Now, the indelible mark the turtleneck has made on society is “fraud,” which is a pretty bad message to send if you ask me.
In case you’re feeling a defense of turtleneck habits, know that I’m not here to judge—just to break free. If you want to cover your neck, cover your neck! But if you’re faced with a Uniqlo wagon loaded with long sleeves of all shapes and weights, know that you can close that tab. Your neck will thank you.